The Surprise Party and Fall Rain

Today it finally feels like fall. The air is crisp, and smells of the rain that has been coming down since last night. A friend came over this morning and had hot chocolate while I drank my decaf.
Both of us have been visiting the abyss, and sometimes that company is the best to have while you are there, because not only do they understand, but they don't expect you to be all peppy. No facades are necessary. So I asked her, "Do you want to sit and talk, or do you want to go for a walk and not talk at all?" She laughed. I tried to explain how I have been feeling. I told her that it is kind of like I know there is going to be a surprise party, but I don't know where it will be, when it will be, or who is coming. It is a mixture of getting excited, but for what??? when??? where??? Because I know that God is in charge... have I mentioned that before? and that He is always good, and I know that He knows better than I do what I want and need right now. I know it will be great; but not knowing anything in the meantime feels AWFUL!

Tony has such a great attitude. He is purposefully walking through each day and trusting God's timing. The only advantage he has is that he knows where he has applied, and he is involved in the process. The difficulty I am having is that technically my life is going on as usual. Everything is just fine, only I know change is coming. So many changes, and I sit and wait for all of them with absolutely no control in or over any of them. I know that God will provide... He has in the past, and He loves us. Last time we went through something like this, the IT industry was tanking, but the rest of the United States was basically fine. Now, we know that there are lots and lots of people out there without jobs, and not very many jobs to be had. Of course, it only takes one, and with God all things are possible. So why does it continue to feel this way?

Eli is sleeping on the bed right next to me... so sweet, so trusting... life of innocence sublime. I need to be like that each day. I'll try taking lessons from him. And the rain pours down with soft pitter patter sounds on the rooftop and the tree leaves. I am dry and warm and loved. What more could I want? Just a concrete invitation to this surprise party.. that's all.