Today it finally feels like fall. The air is crisp, and smells of the rain that has been coming down since last night. A friend came over this morning and had hot chocolate while I drank my decaf.
Both of us have been visiting the abyss, and sometimes that company is the best to have while you are there, because not only do they understand, but they don't expect you to be all peppy. No facades are necessary. So I asked her, "Do you want to sit and talk, or do you want to go for a walk and not talk at all?" She laughed. I tried to explain how I have been feeling. I told her that it is kind of like I know there is going to be a surprise party, but I don't know where it will be, when it will be, or who is coming. It is a mixture of getting excited, but for what??? when??? where??? Because I know that God is in charge... have I mentioned that before? and that He is always good, and I know that He knows better than I do what I want and need right now. I know it will be great; but not knowing anything in the meantime feels AWFUL!
Tony has such a great attitude. He is purposefully walking through each day and trusting God's timing. The only advantage he has is that he knows where he has applied, and he is involved in the process. The difficulty I am having is that technically my life is going on as usual. Everything is just fine, only I know change is coming. So many changes, and I sit and wait for all of them with absolutely no control in or over any of them. I know that God will provide... He has in the past, and He loves us. Last time we went through something like this, the IT industry was tanking, but the rest of the United States was basically fine. Now, we know that there are lots and lots of people out there without jobs, and not very many jobs to be had. Of course, it only takes one, and with God all things are possible. So why does it continue to feel this way?
Eli is sleeping on the bed right next to me... so sweet, so trusting... life of innocence sublime. I need to be like that each day. I'll try taking lessons from him. And the rain pours down with soft pitter patter sounds on the rooftop and the tree leaves. I am dry and warm and loved. What more could I want? Just a concrete invitation to this surprise party.. that's all.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Newport Plan Reunion and Family Visit
September 25th marked the end of my husband's transition position from his job, and spelled an end to employment. So when I saw that a special group of my high school colleagues were having a reunion starting on Sept. 25th, I thought it a perfect time to take a long needed vacation. We never go anywhere for the most part... so a trip with four purposes began to take shape. We could go see our oldest son in his new life in a new place with a new girl, and her two boys; we could visit my hubby's parents, celebrate his birthday, and.... we could go to a reunion two blocks from the beach in La Jolla, California! We had a plane ticket to leave Friday morning, but the week of our trip, on Wednesday, Tony accepted a position with his company in Columbus, Ohio! It all happened so fast. Our world turned upside down for a couple of days. How could we ever go and enjoy ourselves and relax at such a time?...... Well, Thursday arrived and we received the news that in fact, he couldn't accept the position, so we indeed went ahead with our trip to California, which turned out to be the best idea for settling all of the chaos.
We arrived in Orange County and stopped by his parents' house to borrow their car before heading out to see our son. As we got on the freeway, my better half decided to gun it to jump into the diamond lane since our lane was going at a snail's pace. However, he did so over a double, double yellow line. I had a bad feeling, and about 30 seconds later we were pulled over. The cop made double use of his time and pulled two cars over at once. So we sat awaiting trouble. When he asked for our license and saw we were from out of state, he asked when we had arrived. Finding it had been about 1/2 hour ago, he began a friendly conversation in which we explained that our diamond lanes are not the same.....long story short, we just got a warning. Boy were we relieved. I guess the diamond lane violations are about $400. 00 minimum. Yikes! No more of that.
We had a great visit with our son and his girlfriend and kids. The boys are two of the sweetest, most well behaved boys I have seen in years. They are lovable, smart, and they are kind to one another. They are gentle with their little dogs, Penny and Dolly, and unihibited in expressing unbounded joy. We shared equally in acceptance and bonding affection.
I knew that Kurt was planning to propose to Tonya, so I took my mother's anniversary ring down to be a family heirloom hand-off. I hoped that the engagement might take place between our first visit at the beginning of our trip, and our return visit after attending the reunion and seeing my husband's parents.
We left on Saturday morning and drove to La Jolla for a fabulous time with my cohorts from an open education program that I helped form in high school. Although Saturday and Sunday flew by, we had made and renewed some great connections and left quite refreshed. Then we were pampered by Tony's mom and dad for two days. It became clear to me that this vacation was a time for deepening relationships, all the way around.
Tuesday we returned for our last visit with our son and his future family. When we arrived, the boys had just gotten home from school, but Kurt was not yet home from work. So the rest of us went to the park and the pool for a little play time. The boys were excited to see us again. They were bouncing off the furniture (almost). They had so many things to show us: their Ghecko had shed that morning, and we had to see all that they had done in school, including a dance that Tyler had done in the talent show. It was not like any dance I had ever done. He is quite the dancer! Break dancing included. At the pool, I hesitated as to whether I was going to just watch or go in. So Tony took the lead as Papa to Tyler and Jordan. He launched them out of the water, through the air, and snuck up on them under the water, tickling their toes. They seemed so at ease together, as if we had been their grandparents all along. Tonya and I sat on the chaise lounges, where she told me that Kurt had actually taught Jordan, who is five, to swim. He is still somewhat fearful, and won't leave the 3 ft. marker, but goes under without any problem. So I asked if she thought that he would let me give him a lesson. I couldn't resist the opportunity. We started with playing submarine and having teatime under water. Then he told me he had something to tell me under water, so I went under with him, and he yelled something in goldfish talk. But I don't speak goldfish, so I couldn't understand him. He told me above the water that it was a secret. So I let it go..... We continued swimming and played a game similar to "Red light Green light."
It was time to head back to greet Kurt when he arrived, but all that afternoon I had been rather disappointed to see that the ring was not on his girlfriend's finger. I was left wondering if he hadn't "pulled it off" yet, or if perhaps the ring hadn't fit. But when Kurt arrived home, the boys about burst with questions for him. Are you going to tell....."Shoosh! Shooosh! You guys are the worst!!!!" I asked, "The worst what?" To which there was some more chaotic din of voices. Eventually we made it inside, and we were shown some pictures on the computer... several of which were of the proposal at the beach! Then Tonya finally broke out the ring and put it on. It fit perfectly... just like Cinderella's slipper. What a great event. They boys could hardly contain themselves. They shouted and jumped up and down saying that now they could call us Grandma and Grandpa. It was a delightful celebration. But that's not all, because the same weekend, our youngest, Alex, announced that he and his girlfriend had set a date for their wedding!!!! Oh my gosh. So on the tail end of "move to Ohio, no, don't move to Ohio" we now have two weddings this year. Oh, and did I mention that I am really, REALLY glad that God is in control. Yeah! Otherwise, I'd be losing it about now. I used to say that God gave me my curly hair to remind me that I'm not in control. He doesn't need to remind me anymore. It is intuitively obvious to the most casual of observers.
Just to complete the picture. Let me say that the same weekend, our daughter called us to ask us what percent chance we thought there was that we would be staying in our current house, because she and her husband are looking for houses and will be moving.... but I'll get to that next time, along with the actual reunion. It deserves its own entry. For now, farewell.
We arrived in Orange County and stopped by his parents' house to borrow their car before heading out to see our son. As we got on the freeway, my better half decided to gun it to jump into the diamond lane since our lane was going at a snail's pace. However, he did so over a double, double yellow line. I had a bad feeling, and about 30 seconds later we were pulled over. The cop made double use of his time and pulled two cars over at once. So we sat awaiting trouble. When he asked for our license and saw we were from out of state, he asked when we had arrived. Finding it had been about 1/2 hour ago, he began a friendly conversation in which we explained that our diamond lanes are not the same.....long story short, we just got a warning. Boy were we relieved. I guess the diamond lane violations are about $400. 00 minimum. Yikes! No more of that.
We had a great visit with our son and his girlfriend and kids. The boys are two of the sweetest, most well behaved boys I have seen in years. They are lovable, smart, and they are kind to one another. They are gentle with their little dogs, Penny and Dolly, and unihibited in expressing unbounded joy. We shared equally in acceptance and bonding affection.
I knew that Kurt was planning to propose to Tonya, so I took my mother's anniversary ring down to be a family heirloom hand-off. I hoped that the engagement might take place between our first visit at the beginning of our trip, and our return visit after attending the reunion and seeing my husband's parents.
We left on Saturday morning and drove to La Jolla for a fabulous time with my cohorts from an open education program that I helped form in high school. Although Saturday and Sunday flew by, we had made and renewed some great connections and left quite refreshed. Then we were pampered by Tony's mom and dad for two days. It became clear to me that this vacation was a time for deepening relationships, all the way around.
Tuesday we returned for our last visit with our son and his future family. When we arrived, the boys had just gotten home from school, but Kurt was not yet home from work. So the rest of us went to the park and the pool for a little play time. The boys were excited to see us again. They were bouncing off the furniture (almost). They had so many things to show us: their Ghecko had shed that morning, and we had to see all that they had done in school, including a dance that Tyler had done in the talent show. It was not like any dance I had ever done. He is quite the dancer! Break dancing included. At the pool, I hesitated as to whether I was going to just watch or go in. So Tony took the lead as Papa to Tyler and Jordan. He launched them out of the water, through the air, and snuck up on them under the water, tickling their toes. They seemed so at ease together, as if we had been their grandparents all along. Tonya and I sat on the chaise lounges, where she told me that Kurt had actually taught Jordan, who is five, to swim. He is still somewhat fearful, and won't leave the 3 ft. marker, but goes under without any problem. So I asked if she thought that he would let me give him a lesson. I couldn't resist the opportunity. We started with playing submarine and having teatime under water. Then he told me he had something to tell me under water, so I went under with him, and he yelled something in goldfish talk. But I don't speak goldfish, so I couldn't understand him. He told me above the water that it was a secret. So I let it go..... We continued swimming and played a game similar to "Red light Green light."
It was time to head back to greet Kurt when he arrived, but all that afternoon I had been rather disappointed to see that the ring was not on his girlfriend's finger. I was left wondering if he hadn't "pulled it off" yet, or if perhaps the ring hadn't fit. But when Kurt arrived home, the boys about burst with questions for him. Are you going to tell....."Shoosh! Shooosh! You guys are the worst!!!!" I asked, "The worst what?" To which there was some more chaotic din of voices. Eventually we made it inside, and we were shown some pictures on the computer... several of which were of the proposal at the beach! Then Tonya finally broke out the ring and put it on. It fit perfectly... just like Cinderella's slipper. What a great event. They boys could hardly contain themselves. They shouted and jumped up and down saying that now they could call us Grandma and Grandpa. It was a delightful celebration. But that's not all, because the same weekend, our youngest, Alex, announced that he and his girlfriend had set a date for their wedding!!!! Oh my gosh. So on the tail end of "move to Ohio, no, don't move to Ohio" we now have two weddings this year. Oh, and did I mention that I am really, REALLY glad that God is in control. Yeah! Otherwise, I'd be losing it about now. I used to say that God gave me my curly hair to remind me that I'm not in control. He doesn't need to remind me anymore. It is intuitively obvious to the most casual of observers.
Just to complete the picture. Let me say that the same weekend, our daughter called us to ask us what percent chance we thought there was that we would be staying in our current house, because she and her husband are looking for houses and will be moving.... but I'll get to that next time, along with the actual reunion. It deserves its own entry. For now, farewell.
It all began a few weeks ago. I was visiting the abyss, (my own personal name for hitting the lowest point), and while there, I called out to God. But what I heard wasn't all that comforting. I felt compelled to tell my husband, that he is my home, and that if he needed to look outside our area for work, I wouldn't fight him. I did this while sobbing and pouring out everything in my heart. The next day, he came home and said "There's a position open in New York." Well, let me tell you that I am a country girl, and a west coast girl too. So this was about as far from what I had intended as it could be. I took a deep breath, and said rather hesitantly, "O.K." and I tried to wrap my brain around it. My husband had informed his boss that he was interested in the position. So the next several days were a blur of finding out where in New York, or perhaps New Jersey, and me looking at Google Earth to try to come to grips with this idea. In addition, I thought about the implications... leaving my parents who are about at the stage where they may need me more than ever, my daughter and her family, including my two darling grandsons, who have given me joy every day of these last three years, and my school, strings students, church, and my dogs....It was overwhelming to say the least. But my daughter came to my rescue and helped me shift gears to an attitude of adventure.
So a week ago Wednesday my husband accepted the position, but he requested that if possible we relocate to Columbus, Ohio instead of New York. So I got on Craigslist and found many possible houses to rent and looked each one up on Google Earth. I found a couple that caught my imagination and helped me to see this as an exciting opportunity. Thursday, my hubby's boss's, boss's boss, said that the wheels were already turning for severance, and we could not accept this transfer. With that one phone call out the window went a generous relocation package and the house that I had found, and I was left wondering how to feel. Should I feel relieved because I averted a huge move after 21 years of being in the same house, where we raised our children? Should I feel worried because now my husband would join the ranks of the unemployed? Should I be disappointed because I just got my energy revved for this adventure and the rug was pulled out from under us? Quite honestly, I can't put words to how I felt. I guess I felt a little of all of those and more. I have since experienced all of those feelings again and again in turn. All of a sudden I find this knot in my stomach like I am being introduced as a guest speaker before several hundred people, and then my heart starts pounding, but I don't have a concrete image in my head at the time, so I am not sure why I have that going on. So I try to shift gears back into the routine of fall, and somehow it all seems kind of flat right now. So I wait.... for what? I don't know... but adventure is on the horizon, and only God knows where it will take place and when. Perhaps it is right here, or perhaps far away. All I know is that I am glad that God is in charge. He is definitely worth trusting, and he has a plan far better than I could think or imagine. He knows my desires better than I do myself.
It is a glorious, sunny, blue sky fall day. I am going to go live it!!
So a week ago Wednesday my husband accepted the position, but he requested that if possible we relocate to Columbus, Ohio instead of New York. So I got on Craigslist and found many possible houses to rent and looked each one up on Google Earth. I found a couple that caught my imagination and helped me to see this as an exciting opportunity. Thursday, my hubby's boss's, boss's boss, said that the wheels were already turning for severance, and we could not accept this transfer. With that one phone call out the window went a generous relocation package and the house that I had found, and I was left wondering how to feel. Should I feel relieved because I averted a huge move after 21 years of being in the same house, where we raised our children? Should I feel worried because now my husband would join the ranks of the unemployed? Should I be disappointed because I just got my energy revved for this adventure and the rug was pulled out from under us? Quite honestly, I can't put words to how I felt. I guess I felt a little of all of those and more. I have since experienced all of those feelings again and again in turn. All of a sudden I find this knot in my stomach like I am being introduced as a guest speaker before several hundred people, and then my heart starts pounding, but I don't have a concrete image in my head at the time, so I am not sure why I have that going on. So I try to shift gears back into the routine of fall, and somehow it all seems kind of flat right now. So I wait.... for what? I don't know... but adventure is on the horizon, and only God knows where it will take place and when. Perhaps it is right here, or perhaps far away. All I know is that I am glad that God is in charge. He is definitely worth trusting, and he has a plan far better than I could think or imagine. He knows my desires better than I do myself.
It is a glorious, sunny, blue sky fall day. I am going to go live it!!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Lost in my thoughts
I have been on somewhat of a rollercoaster lately. I told someone the other day that my life has recently been an E ticket ride, and they didn't know what I meant. Boy do I ever feel old. For those of you that don't know this, you used to buy 2 types of tickets for Disneyland. You paid an entrance fee to get in to the park, and then you bought ticket booklets for the rides. There were A tickets through E tickets... E tickets being the exciting, big money rides. You could go to the Abraham Lincoln ride on an A ticket. So my life has been like the Matterhorn. And I'll have to pause there because I'm being beckoned. Stay tuned....
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